It’s 4 AM and my mind wanders all over

the moment i find out what’s wrong with me, why can’t i be like everybody else?

i remember years ago, several peoples telling me it was hard to approach me and i’ve been keeping myself in distance that i built a wall up high that even i forget i ever had it in the first place.

While all i wanted was to be held and loved. 

But why can’t i express my feelings properly?

Why it won’t come out?

Have i been suppressed my feeling for so long that i don’t know how to let it go?

I couldn’t cry, even if i was wanted to.

that’s how bad i am at expressing my feelings.

There’s nothing i can do but pray, dear God please open up my heart, lightened up the weighs on my shoulder so i could rise again ready to conquer the world. Like i did  the 10 years ago.